Burning Your Bridges : Quitting Your Job The Foolish Way

bridgeYou’ve handed in your resignation with a flourish and can’t wait to saunter out of the office for the last time. It’s all you can do to keep from letting out a holler, kicking over your despised desk, and throwing paper clips in the air. Why restrain yourself? It feels so good to let it all out. If you want to burn your bridges, go right ahead. Here’s how, in five easy steps.

Criticise your boss and colleagues
Since you’ll never need to ask your boss for a recommendation, let her know just what you think of her unreasonable demands and lackluster managing skills. And as for your colleagues, you’ll probably never end up in the same office again, so don’t hold back on pointing out their annoying habits.

Shirk responsibilities
Why bother to put in a 100% effort if there’s no immediate payoff for you? Relax. Let somebody else write that report or lead that meeting. Nobody will notice you shirking. Your replacement can always pull a couple all-nighters to catch up on missed deadlines.

Brag about your new office
Everyone wants to hear about how your new office has a pool table, company-sponsored happy hours and benefits to die for. Don’t forget to announce that you’ll be getting paid far more than your current job, too. Anyone who’s bothered is probably just jealous.

Refuse to train your replacement
He can figure it out on his own. You’d rather spend your last few days relaxing before you start your new job. At the most, toss your replacement an outdated printout of your job description. If he emails with questions once you’ve already left, remind him you no longer work there.

Mistreat your ex-colleagues
Once you’ve started your new job, just ignore emails or phone calls from ex-colleagues. Or, ask about the latest office gossip and get miffed when they decline to share. Don’t forget to tell them how much better your new job is, and express condescending pity that they weren’t as lucky.

The best thing about burning your bridges is that it’s so easy to do—and so satisfying! On the other hand, if you’re one of that strange breed who believes in professional integrity and the value of networking, your approach is just as simple: don’t do any of the five steps above.

With 20+ years of experience writing CVs, it still puts a smile on my face when I hear a client has secured an interview Lee Tonge - Founder and Director


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